First post

Don't know if anyone of you still reads my blog. It's been ages since my last update. I actually had some time between December 2017 to up until now. Back then in Germany, since my family wasn't around, I wrote whenever I had time. Being a lot closer changes everything now.  I no longer write during my free time. I prefer to spend that time with people I hold dear.
As for my heart, it's healing.  Wrote last time that it'd take forever to mend a broken heart.  4 years have passed by and I too have started to feel much better. 
Take care everyone. 

Weihnachtsmarkt / Christmas Market

One of the things that I really miss about Germany is its christmas markets.German, usually go there to drink Glühwein.  But we, Malaysian just strolled through its beatifully decorated market stalls. We bought 3/4€-worth of sugar roasted almonds. I took some pictures too, whenever I had my DSLR with me.
Christmas market has another special meaning for me.  It usually reminded me of her. The first christmas market that I went to was the one in the city of Göttingen. About one hour before my arrival, I received a picture from her via Whatsapp. It was a picture of her holding a piece of paper, on which you-know-what-it-is was written.  That was so random. But who cares?  It was super cute. 
She was an undemonstrative girl.  She did not really express her feelings well.  But she was good at venting her anger and frustration. She was still loveable when she was 'mad'. I, for some reasons kept asking myself whether or not our roles were somehow switched.  So, whenever she expressed her emotions, …


I was finally able to watch 'Bisik pada Langit' yesterday. Another good malay film that is worth watching. I love the part where Hajar recorded a video and told her parents that whenever she missed home, she would look at the sky and whisper it. 
I, too, did the same thing. There was one time when I really really missed home. What I did was I looked at the sky and murmured to myself. It was a starless and moonlit night in Steinfurt. 
And as far as I could remember, it was not a silent night as I was actually accompanied by the soothing sound of the fallen leaves, rustling in the autumn breeze. So calming that the sound itself was enough to make me feel a bit melancholy. I guess the effect would be more severe during the day. You have another factor on the list i.e. the resplendent autumn foliage. 


I received a hand-written letter.Judging from the writing, I thought I was able to tell who sent it to me very easily. It was from someone. Someone I have known before. I was certain, 100% sure it was from her. 
Excited I tore the envelope and immediately threw it away. Took out the letter and began to read it. " It took you years to write this to me"  I murmured. Had not started reading the content yet.  That delighted I was. A bit frustrated as well.  Had she sent it a bit earlier, I would have felt better. A lot better. 
I read every sentence with a smile on my face.  It was like I took a trip down memory lane. 
"Ngah, ngah"  I could hear Mama calling for me. I immediately stopped reading so that I could hide her letter, as she neared my room. 
Mama's voice echoed and became slightly louder than it was before. 
I squinted as the light went on, was not able to open my eyes completely. 'It's time for Sahur' said Mama.
It was that moment I realised it was a dream.  My…


Spring just arrived,It reminds me of you.
But you left. 
Spring is then, no longer mesmerizing.

Bidding Adieu soon

I went to Monschau yesterday.
One beautiful city which is situated in Aachen district.
Aachen was the very first city I visited after moving out from Regensburg.
I went there together with my three other seniors.
We were not close at that time.
So, I still remember now that I was a bit reluctant at first to join the trip
when they asked me whether or not I wanted to tag along.
Another reason was because it takes 4 hours to arrive in Aachen from Steinfurt!

I did eventually go there.
We met other Malaysians there.
We ate and talked about this and that
and were brought to several famous places in Aachen.
One of them was the Aachen cathedral where I took one picture next to its miniature.

Yesterday, after seven years I went to Aachen for the second.
It was a trip down memory lane.
Seven years ago, I was worried sick whether or not I could survive and go back home with a degree.
Now, I am about to finish my master degree.


If you are close to me,
you will probably know that I only treasure my family,
and don't really care much (or at all) for my other relatives.

Those people have been treating us like strangers,
although we are related by blood.
Now that we all seem to be successful in life,
They try to be kind to us.
They did send a friend request on facebook,
but I never approve.

You know, there are certain moments in your life that scar you forever,
Their treatment towards us 20 years ago is one of them.

Apart from my family, there are a handful amount of people,
whom I hold dear as well.
One of them is our neighbor.
I never really had the opportunities to know what it felt like having good relatives,
but being around her always make me happy.
Happiness that my real relatives could have provided.

Today Mama sent me several messages
to inform me that she just passed away.
I went to work today reminiscing.
Had I received the scholarship,
I would have been in Malaysia one year ago,
could have met h…